Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
