You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
