Non-Jews are for practice
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
