At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I think my moral compass just broke
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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