Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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