I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
