I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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