im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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