Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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