so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
