You smell like stripper and shame
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
