my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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