the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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