Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
