it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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