you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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