i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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