He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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