The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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