I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
