apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
