How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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