I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Someone came in the potted fern
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
