That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
