why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
