I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
