im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
