Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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