My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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