Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Sorry about my life...
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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