So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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