so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
