You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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