Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
