The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
