i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
