I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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