Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
