Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
