i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
