Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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