do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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