Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
