Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
