you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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