He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
