He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
