ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
