We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
