me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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