I'm jealous of your bromance
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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