ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
