I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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